They say 3 days... 3 days bereavement time when you lose a loved one. 

Seriously?! Who the fuck tells someone how many days to take to grieve?  How to grieve? When to grieve?

Almost 3yrs for me & I feel like I'm drowning. 

There's days I'm "functioning" & by that I mean; I can't remember if I bathed, brushed my teeth. The last time I brushed my hair. And that's not including the barrage of bullshit added on top of this.

Then there are days, that I'm able to see pieces of the old me.

The Rose Colored Glasses that, I HAD NO CLUE I was wearing, have been removed. 

I finally see the TRUE COLORS of those who claim to be Family or a Friend & when you have those days you feel so how you hurt, and your cries for help; not just for you, but for your children as well... fall upon deaf ears.

Oh,  and the kicker,  those cries of yours become your fault.

Somehow, my horror movie has now disturbed THEIR life!!! HOW THE FUCK?!

I've expressed myself you see. The quiet,  Lizette. The one who used to just,  "go with the flow"  Try to make others comfortable, keeping my opinions to myself,  as to not start an argument. I opened my mouth,  and ruffled the Narcissists' feathers. 

Well, you know people TRAUMA CHANGES YOU. 

Sometimes for the good,  sometimes for the not so good and sometimes a happy medium. 

I decided on the latter, or rather it decided on me. 

Losing a child is the worst thing ANYONE can endure. 

That entire day runs through my head clear as the day I gave birth.  Funny how our brains work. Happy memories bring you joy, a smile, a skipped heartbeat. Sad, terrible memories bring you, PTSD, anxiety,  panicc attacks, depression,  medication (possibly), hives, migraines, ulcers, etc.

They say time makes things easier, but unless you have walked 5 seconds in my shoes, you have no say. 

Having gone back to work too quickly, not realizing during that time I was going through a guess a nervous breakdown. I really couldn't tell you. All I know is that everything hurt.

Needless to say I was let go from that job, (although they knew prior to hiring me; what I was "handling", but hey🤐) 

Being at home is what I needed, in order to START healing. 

How many of you have a dedicated area in your home, that brings you peace, joy, comfort.

Where you go to be alone, sweat, cry, yell, read, scream, do WTF you please?

Well, mine is my workout/craft/TV room.

It's where I go to relieve stress, anxiety,  anger and tears.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always that way. 

I've been up & down the daily workout routine before.

But, I have found it to be something I enjoy.

Starting from the beginning again,  and slowly seeing my progression; really shows me what the human body is capable of.

With all that's going on, we all need a place to be free. To breath without our masks.

Feet solid on the ground. Blinds wide open & the sun on your face.